I got sucked into a wormhole

[jaina]

I feel like I'm living in some sort of strange slightly-parallel universe, where I may or may not have left Boston in the first place, but I live in Steve and ML's spare room, sew all day on a ridiculously low table, and subsist entirely on Coke, LaVerde's sandwiches, and dark-side M&Ms. The Athena machines taunt me because I can't login and check my mail like I used to be able to, so I get Internet in the morning and evening and hope real people stop by the office during the day so I don't go stir-crazy until rehearsal, and okay maybe the Tommy soundtrack wasn't the best thing to listen to today. There's a cardboard mountain of costumes in a corner of the office that needs to be organized but I can't get out to get a garment rack until Thursday and not to mention the lists I need to make and the costumes I need to try on people, and I have to remember to pull all the stuff we're not building and would it be weird if Kristin-as-Dodonna wore a skirt instead of pants? I think a cargo skirt would be super-cool except for the us-not-having-one factor.

By all rights I should be in bed zonked out since I woke up at 7:30 am in anticipation of the Ebay auction that didn't end for another four hours, which was a little bit like Christmas morning except there was also intense dread and terror. But I can't sleep and I'm wide awake, and I wonder, is Steve still up so he can print out a copy of the costume plot? I haven't even called my mother because every time I think of it she's either at work or asleep. (Hi Mom, I love you, I'll leave you a message tomorrow, okay?)

Also I can't stop worrying, what if we do the show and nobody comes? Worse, what if people come but they hate it? What if I start cracking up onstage? What if I forget a lyric in front of three thousand people? (What if I forget a lyric in front of thirty people in a room that could hold three thousand?) What if by the end of the trip we all hate each other?

What I really need is to go to sleep. But as you can see that's not really working out for me. And really I shouldn't even be complaining because it's not like I have REAL things to deal with, like oh say having a BABY in the next two days while still working on Modal Node heads (yes I'm looking at you wendyhouse!)

Comments

[archerrat.livejournal.com]

Let's get together at JadeCon and compare performance anxieties sometime. Shouldn't take more than, oh, six or seven hours. <g>

[nmissi.livejournal.com]

Big sister voice on: Relax. It's going to be brilliant. YOU'RE Brilliant. Everything is going to be fine.

/pets your hair, murmurs soothingly.

[rosiewook.livejournal.com]

You guys are going to be great and very popular. I wouldn't worry about it.

You're doing a fantastic job! Try to get out and catch some UV every few hours. It'll improve your outlook.

::big hug::

[knitress.livejournal.com]

What Paula said. It's going to be a blast, so do your best in the middle of the craziness to relax and enjoy it.

I am SO impressed that you guys are tackling this, re-staging the whole production!

[cyndisuesue.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie! {{Jaina}} It WILL all work out. Listen to what the others have said above-it's all good advice. Try to get more rest for yourself and a bit of sun-get that Serotonin level up and you will feel much better.

The show is going to be a rave success. SRO all the way baybee! You guys already KNOW this stuff, inside and out, my team will be backing you up 110%, and, really, do you think it will be hard to fill a major SW event at a Star Wars Convention? ;-)

[raykel.livejournal.com]

Judging by the venue (convention full of SW fans!) and the DVD of the MIT performance, I'd say neither the no-one-shows or the everyone-hates-it are a remote possibility. It's going to be a smash success!

[thedan.livejournal.com]

> The Athena machines taunt me because I can't login and check my mail like I used to be able to

Ugh, I HATE that!

[anirt.livejournal.com]

Breathe. You're going to pull it off. The audience will love it!

[spccadet.livejournal.com]

As usual - the pain now will pay off with applause and sold out crowds in the end - I'm sure it'll go well, and in the meantime you get to relive 4 years of MIT in ths span on 2 weeks!

[wendyhouse.livejournal.com]

ok, yeah, all the encouraging stuff, but I keep having that same recurring nightmare...!
portnoyslp and someone (either Jax or ML) and I were talking the other day, and she said she was worried about how our actors used to a audience of 250 were going to handle an audience of 2500, what if they froze? and I said I was far more worried about how our actors who were used to playing to an audience of 11 people in a 250 seat house were going to handle playing to an audience of 11 people in a 3000 seat house!

I know, I know, rabid fans, people came to see the original multiple times, they will come, but STILL. can't helping having the scary vision.

and at least I will be safely here having a baby! you will be ONSTAGE! eek!

[lily-advance.livejournal.com]

if you're really stuck by yourself getting crazy, just let me know your location and I'll come bring you coffee and bagels or something. :-) Are you trapped sewing in the office?

Having occasionally performed in front of thousands of people myself, I can say with authority that you really can't see all of them. Your eyes kind of glaze over after the first few rows. So don't worry, you'll never know they're there. ;-)

[dm-lunsford.livejournal.com]

Hang in there! And try not to worry - because you ARE going to be fantastic. You already ARE fantastic! The show is going to be a blast and folks will love it!

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

Heehee. BTW, I've a friend in the cast who'd love to meet you at C3. :)

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* thanks.

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

UV? In Boston? It freaking SNOWED yesterday. *grumbles*

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

Thanks Nancy. :)

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

I keep telling myself that but I can't help imagining worst-case scenarios. *sigh* You're right, it'll all be fine I'm sure.

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

Thanks Kelly. :) Are you coming?

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

Stupid Athena.

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

Thanks Trina. :)

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

It's not quite reliving, since I don't have class or papers looming over my head like I used to, but it is nice to be back among "my kind," you know?

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

It's a fucked-up world where having a baby is the "safer" of two choices. *g* When do you want to get the modal node heads?

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

Aw thanks sweetie. Yeah, I'm in the office. Tomorrow though I'll be out for a bit at Target getting garment racks and storage tubs.

[jainamsolo.livejournal.com]

Thanks Michelle. :)

[spccadet.livejournal.com]

I understand completely - it's why I'm still here!

I hope you're also having at least a little fun - see you guys at the show tomorrow night, and maybe lunch next week before you leave?

[raykel.livejournal.com]

Unless Mary's killer work schedule won't allow, definitely!

[archerrat.livejournal.com]

Sure, bring him/her on.